The publication date of Friendship, Sex, and Love—the third
book in the Being and Life Series—has not yet been decided, but
information is included here to give readers of Being and Life
a sense of the full range that ontological emotions and ideas encompass.
The more men and women become their realselves and understand
realself ontology, the more they realize that a lot is going on ontologically
between people, and much more is going on between lovers. The best and
the worst qualities in everyone are ontological, and the same goes for
the relationships between people. The very best that can exist between
two people is ontologically motivated and the very worst that can exist
between two people is also motivated by their realselves. Friendship,
Sex, and Love examines the wide range of ontological feelings and
thoughts that exist between people, from strangers who are being mostly
their socialselves with each other to couples who have removed almost
all of their ego boundaries with each other and are, therefore, close
to having a full realself-to-realself relationship.
Part One: Sex Is a Realself Event
Chapter 1: Sex Is a Realself Event
Sex Is a Realself Event
Socialself Sex
Freud: “It Strikes Me as Extremely Bold . . .”
Realself-to-Realself Sex Is Best
Sex Is Ontological Communication
The Ego Boundary as Sexual Boundary
Sex Is a Striving for Realself
Being
Sex’s Zest Comes From Its Realself-to-Realself Intimacy
Sex’s Realself-to-Realself Intimacy Makes It Holy
Chapter 2: Realself-to-Realself Attraction
Seeing the Realself in Someone
Relating on a Beginning Realself-to-Realself Level
An Ontological and Not a Sexual Attraction
An Ontological Attraction: Mark Twain’s Mother
Chapter 3: Realself-to-Realself Friendships
Once Aware of the Realself, a Person Wants Realself-to-Realself
Friendships
Realself-to-Realself Friendship
“Deep, Serious Affection”
Pets
Silent Friends
Loving and Hating “the ‘People’”
Realself-to-Realself Friendship Attempts and Failures
Realself-to-Realself Relationships Seem Sexual
Chapter 4: Increasing Realself Pain
Beingless Socialself Relationships
Increasing Realself Pain
Why It Is Hard to Say “I Love You.”
Chapter 5: Ontological and Sexual Tensions
Ontological Tension, Excitement, and Relief
Being “Over One’s Head” Stuttering
Men and Women
“Sex Is ‘Only Chemical’ or ‘Only Biological.’”
Lying
Youths, the Realself, and Maturity
“Tongue-tied, Stupid, Motionless, Unamiable”
Mr. Lockwood and Darcy
The Blind Girl, Jean
Becoming a Sexual Realself Person
What One Wants Most, One Fears Most
Part Two: Inside and Outside the Ego Boundary
Chapter 6: Inside the Ego Boundary
Letting Someone Inside One’s Ego Boundary
Complete Identification
Penetration
Whores and Madonnas
Chapter 7: Socialself and Realself Ideas About Sex
Opposing Views
“Sex Is Bad.” Casual Sex
Public Affection
Premarital Sex
“Women Should Be Subordinate.”
Commitment and Compromise
“Fusion Is Impossible.”
Chapter 8: Jealousy
Jealousy: Caused by the Ontological, Not the Sexual
Fathers and Daughters
Virginity
Infidelity
Not Jealous If, and If Not, Realself-to-Realself Involvement
Chapter 9: Outside the Ego Boundary
Moving Someone Outside One’s Ego Boundary
Castration
Chapter 10: Socialself People Alienating Increasing
Realself People
“She Became ‘Disguised, Unrecognizable.’”
“She Was an ‘It.’”
Cold and Ice
Lost Travelers
Chapter 11: When Women Are Raped
Two Women
The Lining of the Vagina
Rape and Husbands
Part Three: Fusion
Chapter 12: Moving Toward Ontological Fusion
The Layers of Clothing and the Layers of the Ego Boundary
Nudity
Realself Being and Sex
The Realselfness of Fusion Makes It Sexy
Women Like to Bring Men Inside Their Ego Boundaries
Chapter 13: Orgasms
“Orgasms Are the Answer.”
Orgasms Equal Realself Being
The More a Person Is His Realself, the Better His Orgasms
Losing One’s Self During Orgasms
Chapter 14: Fusion
“Earthly Lovers . . . Wish to Blend Their Beings with
Each Other.”
Love and Sex Should Be Between Ontological Equals
Male-to-Female Relationships Should Be Realself to Realself
Everyone Needs Realself-to-Realself Involvement
Ontological Hunger
Wanting to Get Out of and Into Ego Boundaries
Removing All Ego Boundaries
The Two Halves of a Whole
Fusion: It Is Not a Returning To the Womb
Like Someone: Tell the Good About Oneself; Love Someone: Tell
the Bad
Chapter 15: Love
Love and Increasing Realself Ontological States
Part Four: Ontological and Sexual Declines
Chapter 16: Ontological and Sexual Declines
Ontological Compatibility and Incompatibility
“I Have Lost All Desire for Intense or Intimate Friendship.”
Sex and Marriage Should Increase One’s Degree of Being
Realself to Realself Changes to Socialself to Socialself
“Here I Am . . .”
“I Stop Here.”
Mr. and Mrs. D. H. Lawrence
Imprisoned in One’s Spouse’s Ontological State
Socialself-to-Socialself and Ego Boundary-to-Ego Boundary
Sex
Ontological and Sexual Feelings Parallel Each Other
Boring Sex
Young Increasing Realself Women and Older Socialself Women
Chapter 17: Divorce and Death
Decrease One’s Degree of Being or Leave
The Benefits of Divorce
The Closing of One’s Ego Boundary
Chapter 18: Bypassing the Ego Boundary
“I’m Coming in No Matter What You Feel.”
Ontological and Sexual Fantasies
Rape Fantasies and One Reason Men Rape
Chapter 19: Sex and the Dark Unconscious
“Sex Is Dirty.”
Increasing Realself Anger
Men Against Women
Masochism and Sadism
Socialself Deceptions and Realself Answers
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